Music

Don't Stare at the Sun by Cicada

Save Me by Nicki Minaj* is half good and half... meh.

Shattered by Trading Yesterday is heart breakingly beautiful from lyrics to composition.

Ah melancholy music, where would I be without you?

First impression of Skyrim coming. Haven't played much yet. While it is a fucking gorgeous game, I've all ready run into bugs. Really guys? Four hours into the game doing pretty normal shit and I'm all ready having to deal with bug for which the only cure is to completely uninstall and then reinstall the game? Indeed...

*What? Don't judge me. I saw those Britney Spears songs you've got hidden there. Yea... That's what I thought.

Trying Something New

Waaaay back, I cut myself off video games completely because they were becoming an atrociously inexcusable time sink from which I could not pull myself away.

I have decided to try something a little different. I'm only allowed to play video games on my "free day" (the day I have no obligations*), but only if I get certain other things done during the week. How many of those things I get done determines how many hours I get to park my ass in front of the computer and zone out in video game bliss. My god I must be terribly boring. Too bad!

To that end, I shall be purchasing the much hyped Skyrim (assuming I can find a copy in this tiny ass, fucking, shit town) for to be whiling my time away in. I will almost, probably be purchasing either the Star Wars or Guild Wars 2 MMO when they come out. Not sure which yet.

I feel like I've let you all down again. So little funny gets posted here again as of late. I am sorry for that. I just really haven't been in a very funny mood lately.

*Unless I get a dog of course who will still need to relieve on a regular basis. Unless I can somehow train my dog to hold its needs for exercise and bowel relievement** for an entire day. And if I could do that, FUCK CESAR! I would be Queen, queen I tell you, of doggies everywhere!MUHAHAHAHAHA!

**Naturally spellchecker hates the word relievement. I'm a writer spellchecker, we make shit up. Deal. One of these days spellchecker and I are going to don gloves and step into the ring and it will be on! Now, I'm not a bettin' man, but if I were, my money'd be on me. Spellchecker is very concerned with rules and propriety and doing things right. Meanwhile, I'll be sweeping dirt into spellchecker's eyes and punching it in the junk. "Spellchecker doesn't have junk" "Punch it there anyways!" *This is the sound of spellchecker being punched in the junk. Imagine as you will* "Spellchecker has junk!"

I am going to get a dog. I've thought about it, and thought about it, and thought about it some more. I am really looking forward to having a buddy, someone to go on walks with, take to the dog park and chill with when I'm studying or reading etc.

I miss having a furry friend in my life. :(

I've found a couple of potentials that have me excited, now I've got to narrow it down and then apply or whatever. Wish me luck that I find the most perfectest, awesomest doggie ever. :)

You Know You're A Night Owl

When you habitually start major baking projects after 8pm, knowing full well they won't end until somewhere around midnight. Or later. I'm just sayin'.

There has got to be a better way to do this. Baking shouldn't take this looooong.

Is this worth posting? Probably not. But you get it anyways! Oh you lucky people, you!

In Other News

Why yes I am procrastinating despite the post I just put up saying I was going to get back to work. Why do you ask? ;)

In other news, I've completely given up trying to understand my dreams anymore. They've gone to a place I just don't get. It's not like they're crazier than normal, they're just so out of my realm of understanding or dissecting for meaning. Something I'm usually pretty good at.

I've had a variation of one dream, hmmm, I'm gonna say 3, maybe 4 times now in the past couple of years (this makes it a theme dream, I have many, some themes stay for decades, some come and go) that I do not get. It's always very vivid, no matter how mind bendingly bizarre it gets, and each time I have it I wake up a little confused for a moment as too what world and which rules I'm on and operating under.

The dream always involves world hopping and hidden gates to other places and frequently has a sort of nexus point, mini world, in-between place with a huge concentration of gates (frequently guarded by hostiles that are usually not even remotely human, frequently bug-like). There's also usually a lot of running and hiding and dodging violent search parties, and oppositional forces who are much better equipped and basically have control of everything (multiple worlds, the nexus point etc.)

This particular time, there wasn't an in-between world that I was aware of, but there were multiple worlds, all looking pretty similar to this one. However, and I don't remember exactly how or who was causing it, but people were getting thrown into worlds that weren't theirs. Mostly all in this one particular worlds (with the prettiest ocean you've ever seen). The catch? None of us could understand anyone else. Not the people on the world we were in, not the people thrown in from other worlds (though we did somehow know that none of us belonged in this particular world) .

To make it harder, we had to somehow traverse the world we were in to the gate that would send us to our respective worlds without being able to communicate with anyone. At all. Imagine trying to work together and navigate an entire fucking world when you can't read, write or speak the language of anyone else, including the people you're trying to navigate this with, while trying not to let on to the natives that you're not one of them. I tell you, it involved a lot of hand gestures with my fellow off-worlders.

I don't remember if we were being chased or hunted this time (pretty typical of this dream-theme scenario)...

Also, I'm not sure what it is with the creepy-ass underground Egyptian-like tomb dreams (with the dead ends and downer endings), but they can stop any fucking time now thanks. Dear dreams, your grandiose, sweeping architecture is amazing, but I'd appreciate it even more if I wasn't busy trying not to die painfully. Kthanks.

The serial killer loose in poorly lit hospital with tons of graphically mutilated corpses dreams can stop as well. That shit is fucking frightening.

I Feel Like Bragging Tonight

Just took a vocabulary quiz here and scored 3,660 points. The average score is 2,470. So yea, I kinda rocked that. Tee hee hee. I identified all the words correctly. The only word I'd never seen before and didn't actually know offhand was Repine. Puerile being the next hardest word on there.

Ok back to homework and trying to find the perfect descriptive word (that I can't remember) which is what started this whole digression in the first place.

Well Fuck. :(

Sonnovabitch! It's snowing, hard here and I don't have proper tires on and like everywhere else here, island drivers are super, level 11, scary-bad at driving in snowy/icy conditions. weehaw.

Shit, shit shit. I'ma have to get tires changed asap!

It's half raining half snowing here. Poo. :(

EDITED to add: no snow here, non that stayed anyways, but a place about an hour away had a blizzard!

There you go. Wasn't that hair raising. Heart pounding. Thank goodness you know how it all panned out. Rest assured I will let you know if we get a real snowfall! You're welcome. I know that's important to each and every one of you.

Link Storm!

A Music Link Extravaganza! As promised, music for your hearts and ears. :)

Intro by The XX short, but awesome.

This is one of the best improv songs I have ever heard/watched. The song alone is brilliant, but the way they act it is so 80s melodrama it's amazing!

I wasn't a huge fan of Sexy and I Know It by LMFAO, but it's grown on me and now I quite like it... and wonder about my sanity every time. But it's funny, too bad it's the only thing I've liked from them so far.

The band Austra has two good songs Lose It and Beat and Pulse. I have to say, Watch official videos or lyrics because watching them live is an interpretive dance on ecstasy show, so if that ain't yo thang, y'all been warned.

Icarus by White Hinterland is wicked. This is the best version I've found, your mileage may vary.

Colin Hay's Waiting For My Real Lie to Begin is mellow and pretty. I really like the lyrics.

The song Transformer by Gnarls Barkley or Cee Lo (oh song title, you're so apropos).

Wrapped In Your Arms by Fireflight is my absolute most favoritest song right now. So good on every level.

Enlighten yourselves, Readers (if you haven't all ready) with some Youtube, Epic Rap Battles of History. I'm not gonna lie to you, they're hit or miss. But when they hit, they hit awesome. The ones with: the Easter Bunny, Napoleon, Hulk Hogan (you have to wait til Hulk goes down it gets hilarious then), Mr. Rogers, Cat in the Hat, all those are good imo.

Shopping by myself is dangerous, not because I'm some crazy shopoholic (I hate shopping. I hate trying on clothes.), but because it leaves me entirely too much time to get bored and my brain decides it needs entertainment and starts, ohhh, coming up with subverted t-shirt sayings based on the ones it's looking at. I wish I'd written them down. They were... controversial. :) And funny, but Iz got bias. I'll try to remember some of them and post at some point. No promises though. But imagine my sense of humor, and typical t-shirt sayings. Now add something bizarre, snarky, jaded or sarcastic to the saying that undermines it. Bonus points if I managed to use all three in one short, pithy little extra addition. >:)

Ok one shitty example 'cause it's all can think of atm. T-shirt saying "sugar and spice" now with added wicked, "and a little cocaine, cause it makes it taste nice." Bonus points if you remembered that the "cause it makes it taste nice" bit is from the chef in Disney's Little Mermaid movie; the scene where he's trying to kill the red mollusk dude. Crab? Crayfish? What was he again? I'm not looking it up. I won't.
No.

I'm pretty sure I should not be allowed to make and sell t-shirts. But I kinda want to.

Ok, homework then bed. Maybe one day I'll even get around to washing dishes.

I still want to know if dogs can adapt to different sleep schedules...

Cute!

Look! Look at the Rottweiler Puppies! OMG the cuteness! It blinds me!

And this one! Look at her. She looks so sweet!

Don't even get me started on kittehs. I could link pictures of cats for hours. But I won't. You're welcome.

Links! To Things!

Here is a link to a fascinating article by Rachel Stark on YA novel covers and the the current* trend to the objectification and dehumanization of the "beautiful dead girl."

I only just discovered it, but the blog as a whole looks quite interesting and worth checking out beyond the post in question.

Here is another very interesting and well argued post from the same blog titled: Waiting for the Right Monster to Come Along: On Twilight, Abusive Relationships, and YA Saves
Here's a longish quote from the post:

But when I think about the vast throngs of teenagers who have read the series and swooned over Edward, it physically pains me. Because no matter how many times Edward saves Bella’s life over the course of the series, that will never change the fact that, on their first date, he tells Bella he may not be able to stop himself from killing her. It doesn’t change the fact that he follows her, threatens her, makes all of her decisions for her, cuts her off from her friends and family emotionally and physically, instills her with the belief that his murderous impulses are her fault (she “has to be good” and not lose control of her urges when they kiss, so as not to tempt him), and attacks her when she says she’s not afraid of him, just to make sure that she learns to be. That’s just in book one, and it sure doesn’t sound like any healthy relationship I know of. In fact, I’m not the first person to point out that Edward’s and Bella’s relationship shows all the signs of an abusive relationship.

That is exactly what I've tried to argue (but not nearly as eloquently unfortunately) with a few people regarding my extreme distaste of Twilight specifically and the trend in Urban Fantasy** novels in general.

Last serious link. Here's a video on YouTube by Jean Kilbourne about the portrayal of women in advertising.

Ok this has gotten entirely too serious now and I'm fucking tired because I haven't been getting more than 4 broken hours of sleep each night. Again. As well as dealing with renewed surge in anxiety levels.

I found some cool music, but I accidentally lost all the internet tabs so I have to try and remember/find them all again. Also, I want a pet. A dog is a lot of responsibility and I question my commitment. I'd kinda prefer to have a cat at this point in time, but I worry any cat I get will be too much for my allergies, no matter how non-allergenic it is. Guys, my EYEBALLS swell. Not my eyelids (well, they do to) my fucking eyeballs!!! The white, squishy bits I use to see shit with? Yea, those. If I'm not careful and touch them after touching a cat or anything with too much cat on it, I look like a goddamn pug. Eyes all bulging out of their housing and shit. Fuck that. Plus, I could bring a dog on walks with me. Take it to the dog park and let it make all sorts of friends while I hang back and fade into the fencing until it's time to go. But, do dogs adjust to night schedules? Is there such a thing as night owl dogs? Will I be able to get my dog to switch to a more evening/night schedule and not need/want to wake me up at 5am to let it shit? Because I don't have a yard or anything. The park is a 5 or so minute drive away, but it's still a drive.

I probably shouldn't get a dog. :( And I probably can't have a cat. Rats are cool, but it's best to get more than one and they'd need a big cage... I want some thing more engaging than a hamster or a rabbit. Or bird.


*I say current because, as the article explains, there's a pretty long established history of this albeit with women as opposed to girls.

** Urban Fantasy which half the time isn't, even, because it's actually Paranormal Romance (which is its own fucking genre) being erroneously labeled as Urban Fantasy. Which kinda pisses off a lot of urban lovers because we're not fucking looking for romance stories with a paranormal twist to them. If I wanted a romance novel I'd go pick one up. I don't. I want kickass heroines actually doing shit, not slave-to-their-libido, dis-empowered, angst girls looking to be saved by their badboy alpha male who will now happily dictate their life from here on in and negate any smidgens of empowerment all those Little Miss Angst Buckets might, maybe, have managed to trip their way into during their high-heeled, quest for a husband.

That knife on her thigh? That knife there reader? That knife there? Pshhh don't pay that knife no mind, that's just a flimsy decoration to scare off weaker men. Any real alpha ignores the knife and the no associated with it because every alpha man knows no really means yes.

Edited to remove confusing explanation of something.

All Hail The Crickets!

I'm having one of those days where I'd very much like to be writing... and I very much don't know what to write. That is, when I tell myself “Brain, just write anything.” my brain goes blank. Terribly, frustratingly blank. And I find myself unable to come up with even something simple to write. Like, absolutely blank. I keep wanting to write something “different”, but I have no idea what that actually means. Define different brain.

Crickets.

Okaaay, different how?

Crickets.

Does it involve muskrats?

Crickets.

Aliens.

Mostly crickets, a slight sense that no, it does not involve aliens. I guess that's something...? Yes?

Crickets.

Badgers? (what is with you and small, furry mammals anyways?)

Crickets! Defiant, viciously blank, mother-fucking crickets! (is there a hyphen between mother and fucking on that? I can never remember? CRICKETS!!!!!!!!) everywhere I turn. CRICKETS!

Ahem, in other news, it is as I feared (man that sounded fucking formal, jesus what's wrong with me to- no, wait, I'm not finishing that, I already know what the damn answer will be. Can you guess? Can you?) my tapioca didn't set, even after it cooled. I added a bit more sugar and vanilla (it's ok because I'd actually cut back on the sugar when I made it, won't that learn me!) and put it back on in the hopes that I could burn off some of the excess liquid without wrecking it. I made it taste more interesting (it was sadly bland. Not bad tasting, just bland), but I don't think it'll thicken up anymore. Ah well, lesson learned. I'll just have to eat runny tapioca.

I had some low-key (for me) dreams. They were fun and mostly pleasant and involved some athletic tackling of stairs and stairwells by yours truly. Weeeee!

Also, I want a cat. I probably shouldn't have a cat right now, especially with the terrible, newly discovered cat allergy I picked up somehow, but I want a cute, cuddly, soft, awesome, loving, follows-me-everywhere-around-the-house-and-not-just-for-the-food kitty-cat. This is the part where you imagine me heaving a terrible sigh, meant to convey, in that one motion, all of my current loneliness and want for such a thing.

Well, now that I've brightened both our days up. Byebye.

Tapiooooooca!

I just finished making tapioca pudding. I loved tapioca pudding as a child. Loved. Loooved. But, the recipe normally calls for terribly unhealthy things like processed sugar and milk. Blech! So I substituted coconut milk and some unbleached, unrefined, no additives cane sugar. It's in the fridge cooling, but I think I'm seeing one small issue with it. Tapioca (or at least how I always ate it) should be thick, currently mine is a little too runny, even taking into account how much the cooling down should thicken it up. Next time, instead of the 2 3/4 cups of milk I'll cut it back to.... jesus, I don't know, I'm not a cook! I'll probably just try cutting back to 2 1/4 or maybe even just 2 cups. I find natural cane sugar to have a lighter, more delicate taste, so it might be a good idea to add a wee bit more next time, not sure. Tapioca pudding isn't the strongest tasting thing to begin with.

Ok, back to watching Good Eats while I wait for my pudding to cool. Hot damn, I love that show. :)

Two upcoming MMOs have caught my attention. Star Wars: Old Republic and Guild Wars 2 (which is somewhat amusing because I couldn't stand the first GW).

Both look interesting. Guild Wars 2 looks visually stunning. Both have aspects that sound interesting to me and both keep their pvp largely separate from their pve, a must because I am not an MMO-pvp fan in the slightest.

Alas, the release date for SWTOR is Dec 20. GW 2 just says "sometime in 2011"... which, is coming to an end pretty quickly here guys!

Not that I have time to play something so involved as an MMO.... only it's been so very long since I had one I enjoyed and I should quite like to, maybe, one day, schedule permitting, play again. :(

But until I learn me some "all things in moderation, including video games" I'ma probably stay away from both. Boooo.

I watched a couple of episodes of that new show Once Upon A Time... yea. Really basic plot holes drive me nuts, especially when they're blatantly ignored because having people take the next logical fucking step that anyone in their place would, would pretty much end the story dead in its tracks. To that I say; so don't ignore it, either find a way to effectively neutralize it as an option, or find a way to have said next logical step happen, and still keep the story going. Part of our jobs as writers. That's not an easy answer but hey, you're the one who decided to write the story that way and this shit comes with the territory. Unless you're a big name I guess? In which case you can ignore it after all?

The thorn in question being the fact that early on, Henry's mother very clearly lays out how the law works for closed case adoptions and lack of rights on the birth mothers side to go digging that up again later (when she's the one who requested it be closed to begin with). So the fact that Emma's now hanging around Henry against his adoptive mother's wishes is pretty cut and dried. You call the cops, ask for a restraining order, press charges based on the evidence of her continuously hanging around your son and whatever else.

The cops come and say "ma'am, I'm afraid you have to leave" and escort her away! But then she couldn't stick around and we'd have no plot and no tv show...

Of course, it is television and I don't know if television show writers have more or less say than they do in movies (which is to say, none in movies). If less or the same, then there's a reasonable chance the omission wasn't the writer's fault. Annnd I'm bored with this topic!

Time to go sleep!

Warning: This Post is Angry and Depressing, You May wish to Skip It.

You know what would be awesome? Sleep. You know what else would be awesome? If the assholes who play their music on volume 11 every fucking night would stop. Cops won't do jack about it (no seriously, they won't, you're welcome to come try, I know I have) and I can't go knock on their door and ask them to turn it down because I'm pretty sure that they're one of the drug dealers in the building. Drug dealers as a whole don't tend to be the most thoughtful people going and I don't fancy getting my tires slashed or my window smashed.

I fucking hate this apartment complex. Go me, I accidentily wound up in one of the shittiest neighborhoods in Nanaimo. I can't even give myself shit for this terrible decision because at the time I; a) hadn't slept in several days, b) was in a state of for-real-no-exaggeration 24/7 extreme anxiety at the time and having daily panic attacks and thus not exactly what you'd call functioning let alone possessing of acute mental powers (or rational thought), c) desperate, d) it was, believe it or not, the best of the bunch out of the apartments I looked at, and e) one of the few affordable suites* on the market at that time.

Getting between 0-3 hours of sleep a night makes it kinda hard to function. In case any of you were considering experimenting let me give you some advice. Don't. Instead, try shooting yourself in the foot, I promise it's less painful and less of a hassle to deal with.

If I could at least use the extra time to catch up on homework, that would be something, but I'm too tired to concentrate or read or anything. It's very hard to maintain a positive outlook under these circumstances.

School is important to me. Doing well is important to me. Getting sleep is important to me. Right now, all of these things are being severely impaired. It would help if I felt like I had options I could exercise instead of feeling helpless and angry and impotent and completely dis-empowered by the whole situation. I had to sign a lease (which I really didn't want to do) so I'm stuck here until... May, I think. Possibly later? Oh God, I hope not.

*And I use the term affordable in the loosest of ways. Affordable meaning, it broke the bank slightly less than other suites (again, some of whom were in worse condition, but somehow still costing more. Fascinating!)


Ok, I will stop now. I had to get some of that off my chest.