Sunday, October 30, 2011

I would carry it with me where ever I went

I want this mug for when I'm feeling anti social, or in a public place. You know, whichever. The product description for it is incredible.

I owe you posts, if for no other reason than because I just so*.

Also, here is this. This is funny. Go look at this**.

Life here still looks like a chicken running around with its head cut off splurting**** blood everywhere... if said chicken also happened to have octopus arms attached to it that were flailing around all crazy-like in their death throes.

Ok, back to homework and trying not to burn things or make them taste like shit because God knows I don't make anything else instead if I fuck it up and it does end up tasting like shit. A girl can only spend so much time cooking before her head explodes.



*Way to go me. Now you have to deliver. Way to pressure yourself. Way to set up expectations you now have to actually meet. I'm such an asshole to myself sometimes.

**This being awesome responses to obnoxious graffiti. I should have explained that up there, but since I'm being an asshole to myself, why stop there? Why not make you work for your fucking funny. Huh? huh? How do you like that***?!

***Wow. I don't know what to say to that. Sorry? I will send myself to my room for a time out... After I finish cooking. And getting my homework done. Which is due tomorrow. So maybe that time out will happen tomorrow. No, wait, I've got class and shit tomorrow. Sorry, my time out for being mean to you will totally have to wait til.... uh, hmmm (mumbling to self now) well, Tuesday I have to do all that damn running around and Wednesday I'm back in class, so, uhhh, maybe Thursday I'll discipline myself?

**** Spellchecker doesn't like splurting, probably because I made it up and spellchecker is a little hidebound about that sort of shit. Spellchecker needs to learn the value of adaptation.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Defiantly Thumbing My Nose at Negativity

Quietly, from behind a tree. Where it can't see me.

Life is completely fucked at the moment, hence the silence. When one has the bottom dropped out from under one's feet in all areas of life, one finds it difficult to make funny blog posts. Also, I have no idea why I used one there and not me.

So here is a bunch of random shit to entertain you, now that I'm not living out of my car.

Email to Most Beloved following up a text he sent me:
Here is my recommendation on the exact look to give someone crowding you in line who isn't a puppy or a super model.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JiV7M8Llkxo


Also, I've decided to take offense over your desire to have super models standing too close to you, invading your personal space*. I've decided the best response is to punch both you, and the super model in question. But mostly you, because, while the supermodel might suspect that someone as amazing and sexy as you has someone in their life, she doesn't know it. You do.


Another email exchange:
Most Beloved: I think the dehydrator is against the back wall in line with the weight bench. Don't know if you can climb back there and get it or not. On second thought the way things have been going do not attempt to climb back there and get it. I repeat please do not try and climb over stuff in storage to get it. :)

My Reply: What could possibly go wrong with me climbing all over unstable furniture in a storage facility devoid of people and frequently crawling with spiders**?


Random: Aahh the bass is going strong tonight. It's gonna be a good night in squalorville. It's gonna be a good night in squalorville***!


Random: I shall do nothing today that I do not want to. And I shall thumb my nose at negativity (only quietly, and from behind a bush so it can't stomp me with its fist of pain)!

Hmmmm I recall at one point being able to embed a video here instead of just the link. But it's not letting me do that.


*Puppies are OK. Unless they start giving him the eye. Then they get punched. And don't start in on me with some bullshit about puppies and cognitive processes, I'm feeling punchy.

**I have extreme arachnophobia. Extreme. I would explain how bad it is, but the explanation would actually terrify me and cause a panic attack and I'm having enough of those lately thank you.

*** Slightly altered reference to an old, disturbing Much Music commercial. So disturbing I loved it.