So. That's That Then.

Today I start the heart rending process of withdrawing from school for medical reasons.
...

Excuse me, I'm going to go cry now.

Deep Breath

Ok, so I'm seriously considering finally submitting some of my short stories to places and seeing what comes of it. Frankly, it scares the piss out of me, not so much the rejection, I can handle that just fine, just... I don't know, the actual submitting itself freaks me out. Plus I'm not sure my work is really ready for it, but enough other people are saying so, so I will try and see what comes of it.

Now realistically, even if I was in a position to submit something tomorrow (I'm not) it will be months before I hear back from anyone, so don't expect updates on this anytime soon. :)

So, yea. Inhales.

Back to the never ending stream of homework.

Consent Culture - We Needs It

Couple of excellent posts on consent culture from Pervocracy. I recommend reading the comments (especially consent culture post) as well. Some good discussion and clarification in them.

Now back to the mound of homework plaguing me.

OMG!!!!

122.4 pounds today! MAXIMUM SQUEE!

I can't even remember the last time I weighed so little! Now if I could lose these last few stubborn fat deposits. I am pleased as punch to be under 125 atm, but I'd be even happier if I weighed more, but it was all muscle. I'm not going for a specific weight as much as I am an ideal look and ability. But fat loss is always awesome no matter what so I am pleased.

hehehehe

2012

I hit 125 pounds today. Dead on. I'm going to celebrate this. And by celebrate I mean smile about it and spend the rest of the day trying to keep my shit under control and not panic about all the shit that is fucked up right now and teetering on the edge and that I don't have answers for.

School starts today.

I want to be positive about the new year, but it's looking grim from where I'm standing right now. Ringing in the new year with noisy, douchecanoe neighbors, illness, nightmares, anxiety and panic doesn't really make for a happy start. Who knew, right? I know!

But I'm also starting the new year still in school (and trust me on this one, right now? That is one hell of an accomplishment!), and ready and determined to dive deep into the deep end of dealing with the anxiety, phobia and ptsd. And I have the best help available for that.

I'm not going to bullshit myself, this year is going to be tough, trying to pretend otherwise is just setting myself up for disappointment and more hurt than I need. But, I will go on record as saying that I think it will also turn out to be the year things finally take a permanent upwards turn because I will be able to accomplish a lot internally and I know now that the internal changes will finally let me be the writer I so want to be and that other people see in me.

To even have one moment where I see that and can say it, and put it on a blog where other people can potentially see it is a victory right there. It may not seem like much to you, Dear Reader, but it is.

I have some posts I've been trying to make for a while now. They're hard posts. And revealing. And that has never been an easy thing for me. But I'll keep picking away at it until I can.

And now it's time to finish doing everything I need to before class starts.

Happy New Year

I'm sick and the people upstairs have been doing their stomping meth-walk for 6.5 hours now.

Happy New Year indeed.