I hit 125 pounds today. Dead on. I'm going to celebrate this. And by celebrate I mean smile about it and spend the rest of the day trying to keep my shit under control and not panic about all the shit that is fucked up right now and teetering on the edge and that I don't have answers for.
School starts today.
I want to be positive about the new year, but it's looking grim from where I'm standing right now. Ringing in the new year with noisy, douchecanoe neighbors, illness, nightmares, anxiety and panic doesn't really make for a happy start. Who knew, right? I know!
But I'm also starting the new year still in school (and trust me on this one, right now? That is one hell of an accomplishment!), and ready and determined to dive deep into the deep end of dealing with the anxiety, phobia and ptsd. And I have the best help available for that.
I'm not going to bullshit myself, this year is going to be tough, trying to pretend otherwise is just setting myself up for disappointment and more hurt than I need. But, I will go on record as saying that I think it will also turn out to be the year things finally take a permanent upwards turn because I will be able to accomplish a lot internally and I know now that the internal changes will finally let me be the writer I so want to be and that other people see in me.
To even have one moment where I see that and can say it, and put it on a blog where other people can potentially see it is a victory right there. It may not seem like much to you, Dear Reader, but it is.
I have some posts I've been trying to make for a while now. They're hard posts. And revealing. And that has never been an easy thing for me. But I'll keep picking away at it until I can.
And now it's time to finish doing everything I need to before class starts.
Showing posts with label Words to Live By. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Words to Live By. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Things You Might Hear
Things you might hear while standing in line next to me:
“...and that's why I don't winter camp. Out in the middle of nowhere, freezing your ass off, next thing you know you've gone and eaten your tentmate and now your a Wendigo and no good ever comes of that.”
Also, still sick. Sick! Still!! 16 days of sick. I've had quite enough of that, thank you.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Incentive!
Incentive is sitting next to the corpse you can't dispose of until you've met your word count for the day.
I had the incredible urge to add the "this shit only happens to me" label to this post and wait to see how long it took anyone to notice that and say something. Then I remembered the fear-world we live in and decided I didn't need cops busting down my door, pepper-spraying me in the face and taze-ing the shit out of me over a joke.
I had the incredible urge to add the "this shit only happens to me" label to this post and wait to see how long it took anyone to notice that and say something. Then I remembered the fear-world we live in and decided I didn't need cops busting down my door, pepper-spraying me in the face and taze-ing the shit out of me over a joke.
Friday, April 29, 2011
You Can Tell That I'm Busy...
...By how much I procrastinate. Hence this post. Well, that and because I found a quote. I'm glad I found it now. Most definitely worth passing on.
“Nobody tells this to people who are beginners, I wish someone told me. All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit.
"Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know its normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s gonna take awhile. It’s normal to take awhile. You’ve just gotta fight your way through.”
– Ira Glass
“Nobody tells this to people who are beginners, I wish someone told me. All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit.
"Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know its normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s gonna take awhile. It’s normal to take awhile. You’ve just gotta fight your way through.”
– Ira Glass
Ira Glass is the host and producer of This American Life. Click here for the full original video (runtime 5:20).