What I really want to do

Is tell the world to fuck off, run away to a cabin somewhere remote and write. Not for school. Just for me.

No interruptions. Just me and the words.

Webcomics People

Update your shit when you say you will or I will delete you from my reading list. No matter how pretty, how well written, how stunning it might be.

Consistency is all you have. It fucking matters.

I have lost count of the number of really good web comics I've dropped off my list over the last few weeks because authors can't be bothered to follow their own fucking schedule. Did someone else force them into said schedule? No, no they set it. They decided when they would update. Nobody put a gun to their head and said "update on these days or we axe your children and pull your limbs off."

Believe it or not I understand the occasional slip up. Shit happens, life blows up sometimes. But, if your life is blowing up every other week? Yea, maybe you shouldn't be doing this right now. Or maybe you should build a year's worth of buffer before you try to post anything on a regular schedule.

Rant off.

On Room and Board

Never doing it again. Never ever ever ever ever EVER. Never.

I don't care if I have to kill a man or hand deliver him to aliens for vivisection to get the funds necessary to afford living on my own, never doing the room an board thing again.

I'll live with my significant other, or no one at all.

Except a pet. totally doesn't count.

On A Serious Note

I have an announcement. For the past month now (little more) I've been taking Dexedrine for the ADD I was recently, officially diagnosed with. Which means that for several weeks now I've been able to function like a real human being. One not saddled with very real problems with neurons and transmitters not firing like they're supposed to and information taking a walk down the path it's supposed to be walking on only to find that someone has gone and carved a thousand foot fucking gorge across the pathway and lined the sides of it with big goddamn boulders so they can't find some alternate route.

I have been happy (I assure you this is a first), I have been productive. I'm going to say that again because you have no idea what that means to me. I'VE BEEN MOTHERFUCKING PRODUCTIVE! I am getting shit done. I am doing my homework. I am sitting down and being creative. I CAN CONCENTRATE AND FOCUS ON SHIT. I CAN WRITE! I can, in short, be a normal person.

Wow. Just... fucking wow. I am a different person. Seriously, this is what it's like to be normal? Seriously? Holy shit people, you have no idea how lucky you are. You have no idea what you take for granted on a daily basis. You have no idea what it's like to try and do things and not be able to, no matter how much you want to. To have drive and ambition, but spend you're entire life being called lazy and unmotivated when you know perfectly well that inside you yearn, you fucking burn to do shit. That shit fucks with your self-esteem and confidence like no one's business.

I am a much better person as my friends and loved ones can attest to. And it's me, not some drug addled me, just the me I should be when brain chemistry isn't making me not me (enjoy that sentence!).

Please, if this isn't you, and you have a friend or someone who is like this, take a moment and try to understand things from their perspective. You probably won't be able to, but even trying is worth something. Don't put them down. Don't get frustrated with them when they can't meet your expectations of normalcy. You hurt them and only serve to dig the pit deeper and deeper. Help them. Get them help, at the very least just be understanding. Holy Christ, have some goddamn empathy, chances are good they want to succeed far more than you want them to succeed. It's their life after all.

If this is you. Seriously dude, get some help. Find a way to make it work. If you have to go into debt for it, seriously consider it. It will pay you back in spades (I wish to hell I'd done this years ago).

If you decide to take something, know what you're getting into. Do your research. This will also pay you back in spades. Know what you have. There's different types and what works for one type frequently doesn't work for the others. The wrong thing can really fuck you up. The right thing can make you a productive, focusing fiend. Arm yourself with knowledge. A lot of doctors out there know next to nothing about it. They have some cursory knowledge they read in a pamphlet back in med school and think Ritalin solves everything.

Be prepared to experiment. The first thing you try might not work. It might make things worse. I'm mixed, but primarily inattentive so Ritalin actually made things worse for me (not to mention the terrible side effects). Also, I can't take anything time released. Doesn't matter if it's vitamin C, if it's time released, it gives me migraines.

Go slow. See how your body's going to adjust. Find out which foods and such help, and which interfere. Monitor things and write shit down. Ask the people who know you to observe as well, they might notice something you don't or can't. Do your research. You are going to be your biggest ally on this. Don't be afraid to speak up and fight for yourself (or find someone who will if you can't just yet) because chances are reasonable you will have to.

Personally it's worth it to me. Maybe there will be side effects down the road. Maybe there won't. In the mean time, I'm finally accomplishing something with my life. Which A) means the world to me and B) means there's a good fucking chance that I'll have money to deal with anything that crops up later. But you know what, even more importantly, there will be a later because life is seriously worth living now.

For anyone who knows me, you know that I guard my privacy with a chainsaw, a dozen ravenous sharks, three tigers and several machine guns. But I'm sharing this because that's how much it means to me that people understand. I may or may not add to this as time goes on. But here it is for now.

If even one person can have that experience, than I consider the sacrifice of privacy to have been worth it.

My Radio Play

Is done! I stand before you triumphant! Victorious even!

Pretty damn funny if I do say so myself.

I is pleased.

Now if I could just get my movie script under control.

Wanders off to yell at undead cowboys.

Gentle Reader

Do be careful to keep the Tea Tree Oil away from one's eye. Most painful.

Restless

Extremely restless. No idea why. No idea how to alleviate it. Just fucking restless.


FIX THIS!



Please?



Pretty please?

Do not force me to whine. It is a dire thing to hear. You will not like it. Paco will be sad. The camel will cry.

The Line that Redeems My Travesty of a Script

Poor COWBOY, something's gone and scooped out his eyes again.

Time Keeps On Slippin' Slippin' Slippin'

And I have no idea where it goes except to say that I have been swamped with homework. Swamped. Swaaaaamped. Also, my wrists hurt like hell because of the ass shit setup here for my comp so I am having to baby them. which is hard to do when you have umpteen assignments due.

My film script is making my brain explode with frustration. Oh yea, so I forgot to mention that I've got to get a full or feature length film script done and I have one semester to do it. Now you know.

I had an idea I was really hoping to use, but the world building, which is absolutely crucial to the plot and characters, eludes me. Not all of it, but enough that I am at a standstill.

So I came up with a different idea. A western revenge thing with some light supernatural influence.

Also at a standstill (not because of world building).

So is it the concepts, or the brain? At this point my money's on brain all the way.

Fucking brain.