Jane Austen's Fight Club
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r2PM0om2El8
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Fuck You Taming Of The Shrew
Fuck you, you irritating, misogynistic piece of shit.
Goddamn I do not like you. I do not like it Sam I am. Do. Not. Want.
Instructors with Literary Stockholm Syndrome are equally irritating. Dude, I am sorry this shit was inflicted on you. I truly am, but break the fucking cycle already.
Shakespeare, like most literature, is not all that and a bag of chips. Sticking a dress on it and taking the glasses off does not a pretty girl make it.
Fuck I'm tired of writing essays on bullshit. Actually, I'm just plain tired period. That whole not dying thing takes a lot out of a person.
Goddamn I do not like you. I do not like it Sam I am. Do. Not. Want.
Instructors with Literary Stockholm Syndrome are equally irritating. Dude, I am sorry this shit was inflicted on you. I truly am, but break the fucking cycle already.
Shakespeare, like most literature, is not all that and a bag of chips. Sticking a dress on it and taking the glasses off does not a pretty girl make it.
Fuck I'm tired of writing essays on bullshit. Actually, I'm just plain tired period. That whole not dying thing takes a lot out of a person.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
The essays I'm not allowed to write
I don't know why. It's not like the shit they make you read is any better. Also I have in no way, shape, or form spell-checked or grammar checked this shit; the reasons for which will become abundantly clear. Also it's late and I just don't give a fuck because I have this shit essay due and it's pissing me the hell off.
Question: Analyze the conflicts in one of the short stories we've discussed...
So yo check this shit out, my man michael is all like “this village needs an enema” and Ani is all like, "don't be disrespecting my peeps" and the school board was all like, "we need a fall guy so get in there and do your 'modern' thing" and of course michael was like "yo, this is my chance fool!" And his wife was like, “yay all the other wives will have to look up to me cause I'm head wife and I have all the power. Wait... what does the magazine tell me about this again?” And michael was like, “woman! We must go forth and save this terribly backwards town from itself. We must wipe away all traces of the past. Are ya with me woman?! Can I get an AMEN!” (not that michael was a religious man per se, but everyone needs an AMEN once in a while and anyways it was a good rallying point, that's what his “expert secondary schooling” said one time he was pretty sure, of course he had done that line of coke, but he could still think. Everyone knows that shit don't mess your head up.
So he grabbed his wife (who totally permitted it because it was the most play she's gotten in two months and my god that pool boy was looking tasty) and they saddled up and off they went to the far- I mean school. And the wife was like "Weeee I want flowers. flowers everywhere!" And Michael was all like "Yes. Flowers represent order and order pleases me. Woman! Make with the orderly flower beds everywhere (he likes to pretend this shit is all his idea) and the wife was all, nodding dutifully while trying to hide her mopey smile because there were no other wives and who wants to rule over an empty court.
And all was well for a day or three until high and mighty headmaster michael noticed some old crone wandering through a hedge and trapsing over his nice modern flower beds so he stormed off to one of the slack-jawed teachers who'd been there so long that it'd all gotten to him and he didn't care anymore and the only thing he lived for anymore was the bottle under his bed and michael accosted the teach (luckily in a moment of sobriety) and demanded, I say demanded(!) to know what the fuck (only he didn't say fuck because modern people don't stoop to such blatant vulgarities), what the fuck was up with the old bitch fucking up the flower beds (only he most definitely didn't use the words bitch or fucking) and the old boozehound teacher was all like, "It's some ancient burial path or something, I dunno. look, they do this. they've always done this. don't fight this shit it's bigger than the both of us." And michael was like, I don't bloody think so (because adding british colloquialisms was all the rage back home), I'll not give into some crazy, old hunchback dependent on some ancient hoodoo, I get paid good money to wipe this shit off the face of the earth!" And mister bottle was like, fine, fuck whatever, but I'm warning you this caused a stink last time." So michael storms off in a self-righteous huff muttering about some people's narrowmindedness and orders the slave boys to put up a fence with some barb wire and shit blocking the path.
So ani the village elder and keeper of all things old and wrinkly and way before anyone else's time click-clacks up to michael (who believes in being accessible to the riff-raff for image sake) and my god but this story is fucking boring and I'v lost my train of thought here but the two of them disagree and then a child or some shit dies and the village seriously goes on a rampage all godzilla style and tears some shit down and the school of course does an about face and blames michael and that's the end of the fucking story and thank god because I'm tired and I have a movie to watch or something...
Question: Analyze the conflicts in one of the short stories we've discussed...
So yo check this shit out, my man michael is all like “this village needs an enema” and Ani is all like, "don't be disrespecting my peeps" and the school board was all like, "we need a fall guy so get in there and do your 'modern' thing" and of course michael was like "yo, this is my chance fool!" And his wife was like, “yay all the other wives will have to look up to me cause I'm head wife and I have all the power. Wait... what does the magazine tell me about this again?” And michael was like, “woman! We must go forth and save this terribly backwards town from itself. We must wipe away all traces of the past. Are ya with me woman?! Can I get an AMEN!” (not that michael was a religious man per se, but everyone needs an AMEN once in a while and anyways it was a good rallying point, that's what his “expert secondary schooling” said one time he was pretty sure, of course he had done that line of coke, but he could still think. Everyone knows that shit don't mess your head up.
So he grabbed his wife (who totally permitted it because it was the most play she's gotten in two months and my god that pool boy was looking tasty) and they saddled up and off they went to the far- I mean school. And the wife was like "Weeee I want flowers. flowers everywhere!" And Michael was all like "Yes. Flowers represent order and order pleases me. Woman! Make with the orderly flower beds everywhere (he likes to pretend this shit is all his idea) and the wife was all, nodding dutifully while trying to hide her mopey smile because there were no other wives and who wants to rule over an empty court.
And all was well for a day or three until high and mighty headmaster michael noticed some old crone wandering through a hedge and trapsing over his nice modern flower beds so he stormed off to one of the slack-jawed teachers who'd been there so long that it'd all gotten to him and he didn't care anymore and the only thing he lived for anymore was the bottle under his bed and michael accosted the teach (luckily in a moment of sobriety) and demanded, I say demanded(!) to know what the fuck (only he didn't say fuck because modern people don't stoop to such blatant vulgarities), what the fuck was up with the old bitch fucking up the flower beds (only he most definitely didn't use the words bitch or fucking) and the old boozehound teacher was all like, "It's some ancient burial path or something, I dunno. look, they do this. they've always done this. don't fight this shit it's bigger than the both of us." And michael was like, I don't bloody think so (because adding british colloquialisms was all the rage back home), I'll not give into some crazy, old hunchback dependent on some ancient hoodoo, I get paid good money to wipe this shit off the face of the earth!" And mister bottle was like, fine, fuck whatever, but I'm warning you this caused a stink last time." So michael storms off in a self-righteous huff muttering about some people's narrowmindedness and orders the slave boys to put up a fence with some barb wire and shit blocking the path.
So ani the village elder and keeper of all things old and wrinkly and way before anyone else's time click-clacks up to michael (who believes in being accessible to the riff-raff for image sake) and my god but this story is fucking boring and I'v lost my train of thought here but the two of them disagree and then a child or some shit dies and the village seriously goes on a rampage all godzilla style and tears some shit down and the school of course does an about face and blames michael and that's the end of the fucking story and thank god because I'm tired and I have a movie to watch or something...