Turtles Move Faster.

'Bout 500 words give or take so far this week. That's it. It's like wading through molasses I swear. What happened to the energy and elation of not that long ago?

I know, I know, at least it's something. Honestly, I'm tired of saying that to myself. I miss the several thousand word frenzies. I miss the joy of writing haze. I miss having something to put on paper. I miss being able to look at what's supposed to be there and just, you know, writing it. I wanted to spend most of my holiday time coming up just writing furiously. I'm not sure how reasonable that is.

I want to enjoy it, but I also have goals in my head regarding it. Time goals. Goals that are not giving me any peace. Goals I cannot put away and just forget about. Even for a little bit. My schedule is starting to make me frustrated. The lack of writing is making me frustrated.

My Head Still Hurts.

If you don't play WoW, ignore this. Instead imagine a magical place where Tacos, Camels and guys named Paco all live in blissful harmony. Happy, er, people doing happy, people things. They laugh and dance and cavort together. Well, they did until they decided to laugh and dance and cavort in the pool and Taco... lets just say Paco and the Camel will miss him...


I WANT to buy the new WoW expansion and play. The want crawls up my spine and does things like whisper in my ear and force me to read forums posts on all the changes and latest spec trends.

I could pointlessly continue to level my enhancement shammy which I love, but isn't generally wanted in raid spots. Especially now that the (mmm death knights *drool*) death knights are out and can tank, out dps me AND replace several of the buffs I was wanted on raids for. And yes, for an undergeared, rarely gets to raid, shammy, I do quite well actually. I'd be practically guaranteed spots in raids and dungeons if I specced resto, but here's the thing. I hate healing. I'm moderately good at it, but I don't enjoy it. I took a class with healing abilities only so I could heal myself because I knew I was likely to end up soloing everything. And I did. WoW has a serious shortage of healers and an even larger shortage of good healers. Tanks and healers are almost always guaranteed a spot, why didn't I roll a tank then, especially since I like tanking? I don't know, because the shaman class sounded fun. And I'd say about half the time it was. I dunno I sort of wish I'd leveled something else. I like my shaman, I like her utility and she's always interesting. No one button mashing here. And after playing a rogue (which I absolutely loved to bits, but this was back when there were too many and again didn’t bring enough utility to raids) I wanted something I thought would be more desired in dungeons and was slightly less squishy and could heal myself. And shamans are desired…as long as you roll resto. Plus I love the Dranei race and they can't be druids. I shoulda been a druid, tanking, healing, stealthin', I could have done it all. I miss stealthin'. Ah well, the though of re-leveling (even a yummy death knight) bores me. I want new content, not to slog through the old again. Not with a new expansion out at least. At least DKs start at 55 instead of first level. This is something…

For now I continue to resist. It'll be a month or so of possible fun, followed by the inevitable frustration of not having a core group of people to play with and run through the content I really want to see.

Please Remove My Head. Thank You.

2 days with a migraine does not a happy me make.

Also, I wish I'd found this sooner.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O5-fZKg4Uj4

Very funny if, like me, you were against proposition 8.

I Am Jacks- yes yes I know, quoting Fight Club still after all these years is sad I know

Word count this week was pathetic. Hoping I make up some major words today. Also, trying to figure out the structure of social and ruling hierarchies is driving me crazy. Like, punch a wall crazy. Or should I say attack-wall-vigorously-with-head crazy. I fear this is more accurate. I do not need this right now. Do I? So why won't my brain drop the fucking thing already and let me move on. Does it know something I don't... or just dipping into one of its many tangent/ time-wasters?

Desire to do old-school, cool fantasy story will not leave me be. Cannot do this write now. Haha I think I made a funny, but it's still too terribly early so it could just be stupid. If I had a pen'n'paper to play I could probably get the feeling to ease up. I do not have this. I am grumpy. A steady diet of RPG and writing goodness is vital to my survival. Vitamin RPG deficient? Haha more funnies! Youuu finnnd this fuuuuunnnnnyyyyyyy. *waves Canadian mind control device* My god, I just tried to randomly capitalize the beginning of each of those words for no reason. Too tired. Stopping now before someone gets hurt.

SQUEE!

So stoked! My meeting with the Writer in Residence went awesome. Awe. Some. I haven't been this eager to write in months. Months! I have new techniques and constructive critique to digest. Some of my writers block has been addressed. I now understand what was bothering me and why it was bothering me. I can't stress enough how much of a relief that is. I wrote words today! Shiny, bright new words full of possibility. My creative brain came up with new interesting things (small things, but that was all that was needed for a particular scene). I love that I now have some tools with which to fix things that aren't working in my writing either stylistically or storywise.

Happy, happy, happy.

:)

On Being An Adult

Being an adult means I don't have to eat the peas in my fried rice. Instead, I can flick them off to the side to linger in sorrow till I dump their unwanted green selves into the garbage.
...

Dammit, I shouldn't have written it like that. Now I feel bad. :(
...

But I'm still not gonna eat them. *folds arms*

Back, sort of

Internet is back finally. Moving has happened. Many boxes still litter the ground like mines eager to snag us. Heater leaked heater fluid all over the floor, wrecking several boxes and requiring much clean up.

It's been way to hectic (and my computer only just got set up late last night) to be doing any real writing. So I've had to content myself with occasionally polishing what does exist during my breaks at work. Better than nothing?

Am cleaning up the first 3k words of story to send off to the local writer in residence. Crossing my fingers this goes well.

So behind on commenting and writing and everything else, I despair of ever catching up.

Why I don't vote

Link is here: http://themsfightinwords.blogspot.com/

This guys rant pretty much sums up my thoughts on the subject [except the part about saying things loudly and drunkenly. Loudly? Occasionally. Drunkenly? Not anymore. :) ] I might have pressed the freedom to choose not to angle a bit more, but whatever. Tis a good rant.

Still trying to not write and not kick myself over it. I don't have much in the way of games to take my mind off it. Apparently partitioning my hard drive so that I could reinstall windows without having to reinstall everything else didn't work so well. I basically have to reinstall everything because none of it works now and I'm at a loss to explain why. And while it's possible I could figure it out given enough time, I'm sick of fighting with it. I've been in a foul mood for a while now and I'm tired of that too.

Moving goes uber slowly, add one more to the pile of things I'm tired of. I just want to be moved and unpacked and settled into the new place already.

Ok, more radio silence from me until I can relearn how to play nice with others again.

I Am Jack's Severe Case of Writer's Block

Otherwise titled, don't read if you don't want to read my bitching about writing.

I can't let it go. I can't just put it all down and just walk away and not think about it. I'm like a dog with a bone. I have to keep chewing away at it. I tried to just leave it for now, but that wasn't working. Tried writing, that's really not working. I don't know why. I try to write new scenes and nothing. I try to at least add to existing scenes and I get nothing or next-to-nothing. I don't know what's got me so blocked right now.

I should really stop bitching about it... see dog-with-bone comment.

I'm going to try to take the pressure off myself and work on it if I want to and leave it alone if I don't without beating myself up for not working on it. I'm not sure if that will work, but it's all I got at this point. My word count hasn't moved. This is completely unacceptable.

I also haven't even touched all those emails (or blog posts) sitting there since I got my computer back. I don't even know where to begin.

Man I want a vacation.

Captain's Log

It's been...several days now... still. No. Computer. I think I'm... starting to see things. Technological things at the.... edges of my mind. Mocking me, always...just out of...reach. Flitting about they...taunt me and...whisper of things I am missing. If only I could...have... my...computer back.

She's Dead Captain.

My computer died several days ago. I almost managed to get it into the shop I bought it from to have it looked at, but the store closed unexpectedly today due to electrical failure. Figures. This week's forecast calls for extended cloudy periods and several days of extreme quiet.
Also, much te- I mean rain.

From Here to There and Nowhere Inbetween.

Quiet on the Wicked Front I know. Not much to say, busy with work and life and not as much as I'd like with writing. My work hours are making things weird. I need to adjust fully over to a much more night schedule and have been holding back. Something I wouldn't usually do. Normally I'd embrace my late night schedule with extreme enthusiasm. But my work hours and my partners work hours don't match well. Moving to a more nightly schedule would make it even harder to see each other. But I guess I need to do it anyways. This half and half, not really working one way or the other schedule clearly isn't accomplishing anything.

Also, I've determined that I'm probably going to have at least four books for Gwen and Malik since the ending to the third book leaves way too many unanswered questions and anyone reading to that point would likely string me up and I don't fancy getting strung up. How I went from one novel to four still staggers my mind (especially since I'm still trying to finish the 1st one), but *shrug* c'est la vie.

My mind is mighty resistant to having to work on one thing only from start to finish. I'm a mega multi-tasker and sticking to one thing for even a day, let alone the time it takes to write a single novel from start to finish, is something akin to hell. So I've been toying with little things here and there that belong to other projects, no major commitments to anything else as such, just a break. I'm not sure I could (at this stage) swing writing two different novels simultaneously. Not yet at least. The switch back and forth is too difficult, but jotting down snippets of things or ideas here and there is a nice break without really breaking things, if that made sense.

I've got a better idea of the cosmology and myth I'll be pulling from for an entirely different series. I've also got a better handle on that character and what makes her tick as well as some of the themes that will be showing up in there. As well as a smattering of ideas for some of the other misfits she'll be dealing with. Little seeds for the later novels for Gwen and some short story ideas (assuming I can keep them short and not expand them to novels as is my wont).

Why the fuck does the stupid spelling checker on this catch contractions but nothing else? I misspell since to sicne, nothing, least to elast, nothing again, but put so much as a single wasn't or I've in there and it's practialy yelling at me that it's wrong. WRONG! Contractions? We don't need no stinking contractions! We use only the full forms here missy!

Once of my other stories has been hammering at me lately. No idea why now. *shrug* Still she's a shy gal, so when the muse hits I try to be accommodating. I now have more backstory, a better handle on the main character and some fun ideas for supporting characters (ladies and gentlemen we have a crew of morally grey misfits) as well as a better idea of the themes I want to weave into it. Apparently my love of mythology will finally come into play as well. Urban fantasy with plenty of sarcasm and snark humor (I can't help it, I don't know that I'm capable of writing something that doesn't have snarky, sarcastic humor in it to some degree). I think it will be fun. No vampires planned, but plenty of other oddities.

Out of the blue

So I have what appears to be the ending to the third book. It's a doozy. Yea, so apparently there'll be a third book. And some serious shake-ups in the second one so that this ending can come to pass. Also, I'm apparently quite an evil someday author to my characters. If I were my characters I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be speaking to me right about now.

Don't get me wrong. I'm thrilled to have an ending for the third one (assuming I can find a plot for the rest of it), but what I really want right now is a word count for the first book. You know, the one I'm supposed to be working on ...right now... sigh.

Also, I have upwards of 60 messages from 2YN sitting in my inbox. It would not be out of line to say that the thought of wading through them all is intimidating.

Edit: Ending for 3rd very roughly written. Now maybe I can get back to writing the current story.

I realized (sadly) that I have a long way to go before I can write/describe well scenes that explore deep emotion. Any deep emotion. It so did not play out on paper the way it played out in my head. The transfer felt like it left it lifeless and lacking in the emotional punch it should have had. It's a crazy big moment and I failed to deliver. Sure it's just a rough but still. This would be one of those moments too where you realize how and where, exactly, first person can be extremely limiting. How to show not tell what's happening to characters when the one doing the telling is damn near in a state of breakdown. It's less realistic to assume that anyone that inconsolable is going to be cataloging every last nuance that would so effectively show said inconsolable breaking down. I'm more than willing to hear solutions if anyone has them.

SPOILERS: on From Dead to Worse

So don't read if you don't want to know... You've been warned.


Rant on.













Overall I'd call the book a mixed bag, with more disappointments than not. I'm tired of characters in series not growing, or changing, or taking even the most basic of precautions especially after having their life put in danger over, and over, and over, and over again. Really. And the beginning "excuses" in the book...Yeah, I'm not buying them. She says she doesn't notice all the other shit going on because she's too worried about Quinn. Uh huh, suuuuure.



Speaking of the bullshit with Quinn, ya, so, could have been handled MUCH better and in a way that made her reason for breaking up with him actually believable. I mean, wanting to be the important person in your serious sweety's life is completely understandable and not even unreasonable, but the way Charlaine handled writing it made it feel completely unbelievable. I didn't feel like Sookie handled the situation the way she would have, this is a woman who won't, for fuck's sake, do anything justifiable to her hated enemies unless she has to, but she tells the guy she practically loves (seemed to me like they were in love) to fuck off over shit he had no choice about and she handled it extremely poorly to boot. I could understand her being mad at the guy, I could understand her needing some time to think about it and I could even, if she decided to do so, understand her eventually telling him she didn't think it could work because he's got to constantly play babysitter to his deranged mother. But I didn't buy for a moment the way it went down in the story. Just seemed like a convenient way to keep the protag 's love life unnecessarily complicated and open for business for the rest of her bevy. She's pissed because she slept, once, once, with a perfectly great guy who cared like heck (still does) for her but has no qualms about her repeated fucking of an amnesiac? Interesting dynamics there Ms. Harris.

Killing him off would have actually been easier to swallow than what felt like the plot convenient, needless twisting of him. The two are practically joined at the hip, and with all the shit that happens to her, she gets pissed that he doesn't call, but doesn't for even a second stop to ponder whether he's gotten into some trouble perhaps because of his relationship with her? Something that seems to happen to pretty much everyone she knows. How very interesting. Oh but I forget, he's the reason she didn't stop to think about all the shit happening in her own home, you know the assassinations and fucked up supernatural politicking going on. I mean, she couldn't take her mind of of him long enough to think about all these terribly, important things going on, people trying to kill her...

Have I mentioned I'm getting sick of reading about female protag's that seem to have every single male in a 10,000 mile radius completely besotted with her? Have I mentioned this? Because if I haven't I really should.

Though credit where credit's due, she did keep the completely unneeded sexapades out of this book at least. I'm not adverse to sex scenes, really I'm not. But they need to be there for a reason. They need to advance something about the characters or plot and most the time they don't, they're just thrown in for the sake of, I dunno, grabbing the romance reading section of the population? Most the time it just reads like, well I need to show these characters intimately so I'll just let them get it on and, whew, we're good to go again. I have read some books that, while flawed in other aspects, showed some truly touching moments between characters who never so much as kissed, yet you knew, you knew, they loved each other, you knew they would die for each other and it was all the more heart grabbing for how it was shown without once throwing them into bed together.

So, in light of that I promise I will not make female characters who have overly, unnecessarily complicated love lives with 5, 10 or even 15 people. One, maybe two is, I'm sure, more than enough to suffice. And god forbid that ANY of them should actually have decent relationships. I realize there resides, in all of us from what I can tell, a certain fascination with the dysfunctional love relationships of others. I understand this fascination exists, but I hate seeing it drag out over and over for books and books and books with no change, no transformation, no, resolution. Apparently I'm in the minority here.

I'm not even saying I won't have fucked up people doing fucked up things to each other in my own stories, but I assure you I don't intend for them to drag out for several books with no resolution one way or the other. So if this isn't the kind of read you're looking for, by all means I strongly advise you to stay away from any future stories of mine. I'd hate to disappoint. Do I sound bitter? I am. I can admit it. Watching and reading characters I've come to be fond of and invested in somewhat, repeatedly shoot themselves in the foot for what feels like no reason irritates me. I don't read series to read the same plot over and over again. I don't want characters to stay (except in exceptionally rare situations) in vacuums, forever incapable of growth or change or understanding. I read because for all my pessimism and disgust at the world, I have a deep seated need to see people in stories rise up and learn from their mistakes, become better, change, grow. I guess I'm just reading the wrong things.


Rant off.

Unbounced

I am a thoroughly unbounced Tigger and now have a hard choice to make regarding the course I'm taking. Fucking hell.

Not happy. Not happy a tall. I had forgotten how much I dislike the one-size-fits-all teaching methods commonly employed by teachers and vaunted as "the only way to do things." I know that not every teacher in every institution feels/acts this way, but the ones that don't are definitely the minority and I applaud them for daring to think differently. I have long said that the educational system needs a revamp from the ground up. I guess I'm saying it again.

:(

My House is Clean

I must be procrastinating.

Round Two of Wicked vs Protein bars

FIGHT!


Edited to add:
While Round Two may not be the burst of yummy genius I'd hoped for, it isn't the disastrous failure of its predecessor either.

Dry, but it has a taste that is quickly growing on me. And it holds together slightly better. I consider it a success.

Protein Bars: 1
Wolo: 1

In a completely unrelated note

To writing, I am making homemade protein bars for the first time. they currently sit in the oven making their transformation from caterpillar to tasty, nutritious butterfly... well that's the hope at least. Since I made up the recipe after studying dozens of other recipes, smashing a bunch of ingredients together and hoping for the best. Somewhere poor Frozecat is crying over that last sentence *grin* Teehee

Work continues to be new and interesting, the calm before the student storm that blows in in T minus 3...2...

How many minutes should I leave my nummy butterflies in for? 20? 30? Do I look like a fucking baker? Do I? The correct answer is no. Hell I don't even know what temp to cook them on. I guessed. Good lord, what if it rises up out of my oven not a butterfly, but some devious oat blob, angry and burnt?! What do I beat it away from me with? Water? Then it'll just be gooey oat blob of drowning doom. Fire? It's not a zombie. Acid. Excuse me, I must find some acid. Quickly.

Update:
Protein bars: 1
Wolo: 0
I am made of protein bar making fail. :( They are the driest of dry things. They make the desert look positively brimming with moisture. Clearly I must hone my protein bar-fu for round two. I tried to salvage them and succeeded only in wasting more food.

Street Kings

Is an interesting movie and worth a watch. I'm not even going to attempt to give you a plot summary because it might spoil the movie for you, and because it changes a lot throughout the story. They did a great job of keeping the anti-hero protag very much a "someone you're not quite sure you should root for" kind of guy. It's a shades of grey movie, strongly so. If you're looking for a clear-cut, hero wins all flick, this ain't for you. It's fairly violent and decently bloody.

Bigger, Stronger, Faster
Aweosme documentary. Want to have your beliefs about sterioids challenged? Watch this. The bit about Ben Johnson versus Carl Lewis is absolutely sad and fascinating all at once. The man should not have had his medal taken away by Carl Lewis of all people. Seriously, very good movie with moments that really make you think and question the crap we've been fed on this subject.


Enjoy!

Dragging my heals, I'm doing it right...

on research today for some reason. I don't particularly want to research dueling even though I actually do find it to be a rather interesting subject. I sort of just want to write, but I'm running out of scenes that don't require research. I feel like I'm getting bogged down and don't know where to pick up from and start writing again. Strange I know. I keep going over my outline and most the scenes (even the exciting ones) aren't grabbing me like they usually do. It's been like this for a while. Have I lost the love for my story? wtf.

The hardest parts for me to write, I think, are the transition scenes that you have to have to move from one important moment to the next. (start sarcasm)What? I can't write all action and conflict all the time? (end sarcasm) well poo.

Alright, enough whining.

I haz an Outline!

Well, what passes for one for me at least. It's done. Whew!

I also have a tentative title. Now to hammer out some of the noticed plot problems and then get back to writing.

Hopefully starting a new job soon and am taking one course this semester so between all that finding time to write could be problematic. I will do mah bestest.

I'm officially the farthest in plotting and writing of anything I've ever done. I've got about 30-40 thousand words actually written for this story. More if you want to count the copious amount of notes I've made for it. Most of which didn't make it into the outline I posted on 2YN. Damn thing's big enough as it is.

Double Ugh.

Somehow in the switch from old computer to new I have lost all the work I've done in storylines (Writer's Cafe program) for the last couple of months. So I'm basically back to the beginning on it.

Poo.

Probably going to spend most the day trying to get that all sorted and written out.

I'm having some weird writer's block again regarding this all. I think I'm just feeling overwhelmed with it and not sure where to proceed next. Hopefully it passes quickly. Maybe sorting out the storylines issues will help. If nothing else at least I'll have spent most the day immersed in my story. Maybe that will spark some ideas and help clarify points I know aren't there or are weak.

Damn house is hot today.


Hope your weekend was good.

Ugh

Sometimes, in the process of revising and editing and revising some more, I feel like I'm totally losing the voice of the character and the pacing. I have a long ways to go in balancing description and such with the flow and characters voice. I wish I knew how to fix this.

General Flim Flam Or Something.

Not enjoying the outlining stage of 2YN.

Not. Enjoying.

Stupid thing is kicking my ass as I try to put all the ducks in a row. But some of those ducks are greased up good and hard to hold onto and others are downright invisible. Just faint, mocking quacks that echo through my apartment and the pitter patter of waddling feet just out of reach.

Still haven't heard anything concrete on the job front. Some possibles, but nothing for sure yet.

Fridge sort of works now. That is, it keeps things cool like it's supposed to, but 2 of 4 legs are missing and I have to tilt the entire thing backwards every time I want to open it. This angers me.

I started playing WoW again. I probably shouldn't have as it tends to make me less productive, but I really needed some escapism.

My driving instructor keeps trying to kill me. Really wish she wouldn't.

My in class, paper test is tomorrow. I have one chance to score high on both that and my road test (which, thankfully isn't for a few weeks) in order to get the much needed insurance reduction. Also I'm driving right after. I am very nervous about both.


Edited to add that I got a whopping 5,500 words done today on my plot outline (or whatever you want to call it since I am incapable of just following the rules as posted *grin*)

I am mentally exhausted and happier. Plus it had the added bonus of taking away my anxiety over the damn driving stuff happening tomorrow. If only for a few hours.

To the Universe: Enough already!

Christ! So today I realize that my fridge is no longer fridging things. That is, 1/3 of my freezer stuff is now completely thawed and had to be thrown out. The rest is on its way. Between this and the job thing and the computer thing and the general apartment bullshit things I am well and truly fed up. No more I say!

But seriously, will the universe please stop fucking with me already? Please? Please!

So frustrated. Frustration not good for writing. Behind on assignments, can't think lately, too worried about finances and appliances and tech and and and whatever the latest/next disaster will be.

Also, I miss the Livejournal function that lets you put things behind cuts. I quite like that feature. Wish blogger had it. Or had it for non-paying customers if it happens to have them for paying.

Back to tossing my hard earned food out. Do you know how much buffalo meat costs?! Well? Do you! Fuck!

Edited because I can't spell when I'm this pissed off.

I Can Haz Internet Again!

New computer is up and running, missing lots, but internet is a go. YAY!!!!!!!!!

Still installing practically everything. None of my writing has been moved over to the new HD yet.

But yay, after much frustration I am at least online again!

If it isn't one thing...

It's another. My computer up and died earlier this week. I'm in the process of getting a new one, but I can't pick it up until tue or wed of next week. I am made of teh sad.

The good news is that I haven't lost most of my writing. Some of it up and disappeared on me, but most of it is intact. The bad news is that I can't access it until the new comp comes home to momma.

Needless to say it's put a huge cramp in many things, not the least of which is the aforementioned writing.

Also, in general, I have way too much on my plate.

I miss my comp. *sniff* However, my new rig will be shiny, and fast and full of win.

If you aren't a computer enthusiast I suggest skipping the next bit... In fact this post pretty much ends with me drooling over system specs. You've been warned.

For those of you that care, here are its specs:
Antec 900 gamer case
Core 2 Duo E8400 3GHz
nForce 780i SLI ATX mobo
2G DDR2 6400 RAM
500G hard driveShuriken CPU cooler
750W thermaltake power supply
Samsung dual layer 20X read/write player
GeForce 9800GTX 512mb ram graphics card

Was gonna get a Radeon 280(I think) , but could not wait the month or so to get it.
Only 2 gigs of RAM, but I can add more later (and will)
board can chain graphics cards so I will prolly add extra one down the road. The 9800 is a great card and will serve me well for now.

This is a good system. Not as high end as I wanted, but it's within the budget I didn't have for a computer atm. Was NOT expecting to have to buy a new comp just yet. It will run everything I want to play on it and more so I'm happy. Later upgrades will keep it viable for a few years.
I'll be giddy like a school girl when it finally arrives. Just thinking about it gives me warm fuzzies and a huge grin. Why yes, I am a geek.

Back online when shiny new toy comes!

In which our heroine pines for technology she does not have

If anyone knows of a way to scan a document in and convert it to text instead of an image I would be grateful, oh so grateful.

How grateful?

Uhmmm, well I will mail you chocolate...or ah, a candy of your choice that I can easily obtain should you be so barbarian as to not actually like chocolate.... or some of my secret writings!

Because I am damn sick of editing and then having to go and re-type all those fucking edits into the comp. Plus I tend to get a variety of things scattered everywhere and trying to get them all on one page isn't easy. Also I am somewhat lazy you understand.

These edits are for the beginning of my story, which I normally wouldn't be trying to edit so soon (no end! aieeee!) but I am using it for a submission to a writers workshop I very much want to get into next year, so it needs to gleam like the gleamiest gleamy that ever did gleam. Yes.

Found the song for the end of the story. Have some lyrics in mind for certain other chapters as well. Had a couple of snippets from the next book demand I put them to paper so I did. heh was amusing. It's weird, technically I don't have all that much down, and yet I do. Enough that I have a decent enough handle on who my characters are so that when the new story practically starts with an argument, I chuckle to myself because the bickering and banter is just so them. Does this put me a little too close to crazy?

I go now. Have hot chocolate and edits to ponder. That is, I do not ponder the hot chocolate, only the edits. The hot chocolate I devour. Ravenously.

Zee job is no more

Could not narrow what, exactly, I was allergic to so I had to ditch the job. Sigh, back to job hunting, one of my least favorite activities.

To-Do List
Find new job I'm not allergic to and can enjoy.
Have forgotten to enjoy writing lately. Must re-remember how this is done.
Must stop reading other people's much better books and wondering how I'm ever going to get there.
Must not be so damn hard on myself.

No time to breathe

Busy, busy, busy. Just started a new job. Up early and practically falling into bed as soon as I get home. Hopefully I adjust soon so I can get back to writing.

Ifn ya ain't reading Freakangels

ya should be.
http://www.freakangels.com

It's possible I have now seen everything...

http://www.mcphee.com/resources/april/items/bacontux.html

Between that and this all-new tinned nitrated pork belly I am afeareded.

Ve half goot news und ve half bad news

The good news is that I am pretty sure that I have coaxed forth the beginnings of a very cool idea for the online weekly web writing. I still need to iron out several details and such, but the core idea seed is very much there. Even better, I'm hoping to mostly circumvent the plot problems bound to come up in a longer piece, by making it short stories all connected to the same idea. Hopefully, they'll be short enough that I won't have to rewrite much as things develop, because the story will be told and done before that happens (crosses fingers, that's my hope anyways).

The bad news is that it's going to be a while before it's all ready. Life is crazy busy, I'm behind in 2YN assignments, still need to iron out everything and create a buffer. Always have a buffer. Trust me.

I can't give a time line. I'd really like to, but I just don't know yet. :(

SQUEE! I love new idea time! I really do. I get so few and it's so much fun to explore and get lost in it all.

I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date!

I'm very behind in my 2yn assignments. Something I am in the process of trying to remedy. It's my hope to get caught up completely this week.

Why? Why when I come up with story ideas do I invariably have a beginning, frequently an ending and never a middle. Nev.Er. Ever. This drives me crazy. If I were the type that still indulged in the alcohol I assure you this quirk would drive me to drink till I was draped over my computer alternating between praying to and beating it senselessly. A bucket would be close by.

Trying to get back in the flow.

Tired. Did I mention incredibly tired right now?

I'm procrastinating

I'm procrastinating and I'm not sure why. I really don't need to research large cats just yet. I don't need to own any books on them or read up on behavior yet. So why am I focusing on that instead of the story at hand?

I don't really know...

Technically I don't need any on wolves either so I should really kybosh that as well.

Sigh, need to focus more. Sometimes I think research is an escape. No, I'm sure it plays that part at times. I have a love hate thing with research. :)

Edited to add: Sooner or later I will need these things, so if anyone has any knowledge on excellent books on various big cat species I would be thrilled to know what you know!

Busy Weekend

But not for writing. Was gone all weekend visiting family. Managed to write the tiniest of bits, but I can't remember where or what because I wrote it at about 3am when I couldn't sleep. So glad to be back in my own home. So desperately in need of sleep.

So much catching up to do online now.

Forbidden Kingdom

Saw it over the weekend. Not a big movie reviewing type of person, so here's the quick and dirty version. Awesome movie, sure the plot is technically predictable as all hell, but honestly I didn't really notice that during the movie. It's pretty much everything I like from the genre, breathtaking scenery and costume, incredible awe factor, spectacular fight scenes without too much wire-fu for those who aren't a fan of that sort of thing. Imaginative. Go see it.

Also Hellboy 2 is shaping up to be a frickin' wicked looking movie. Mike Mignola's creative genuis plus Guillermo Del Toro's = awesome! The youtube trailers don't actually do the movie justice. The movie trailer we saw waiting for Kingdom to start does. I was jazzed before for this, now I'm... er more jazzed. :)

Something old, something new

Not last night, but the night before I had a crazy cool dream partially presented to me in comic form. Yes, it's true, I sometimes dream in movie, comic, MMO and book form. For real. No I don't know why except to say that given the legendary (to my friends and family at least) dream craziness this is pretty par for the course. So yea I actually saw several panels of the comic and now I'm intrigued. I wrote them down and the little I could remember of the plot which was unfinished and very convoluted even in dream form. But I want to do this at some point. I'm not sure yet how the story got from the beginning to the end, I'm not even sure the story (or my subconscious) really knew either because there was a chunk missing from the middle then it skipped to the end. Great, even my subconscious won't just write a story in order!

Thinking about that comic idea made me start thinking about another one I've had kicking around forever that's got no hardcore outline done or anything, but it does have lots of notes. Rereading it made me fall in love with it all over again. Er not that I ever fell out of love with it. Baby, baby, baby, why you gots to be like that? Come on baby, you know I didn't mean it like that. I've always loved you... I really want to do that as well. The problem? I can not draw. Can not. And I don't know anyone who can draw it for me. But if I did...I would make it a webcomic in a heartbeat. It's funny, irreverent, surreal. It's got ninjas!

Word count yesterday wasn't as good as I would have like, but I did get some great character stuff thoughted out. (Why, yes I did just use the word thoughted.) :)

My Writing Process

So to expand on something mentioned in comments. Here’s my (oh so fascinating I know) current writing process in all its fledgling glory…

I write something, it's a scene, but I frequently don’t yet know, what for, or where in the story (if it even is this story) it belongs. I don't seem to be able to write my story in sequence. I write scenes as they come to me. It’s a barebones scene, in a frantic attempt to get it down before it’s gone. And it's almost more like I'm writing the heart of the scene, anything that I consider, I dunno not extraneous, but not to be the heart of the scene, the meat of it, rarely gets down/out in that first rush of words. Things like description, setting (physical setting, i.e. where they are) get left out. I skimp like hell on descriptions. And given that they feel like one of my weakest areas, I have to make a very concentrated effort to go back later and start adding in sight, sounds, touch etc. So I write scenes, as many as hit me, if multiple ones hit me at once I try to make quick notes that will jog my memory on the others, pick one and run with it. Somewhere down the road I go back to fill them in. I do this several times till I have an actual scene with plot and descriptions and pacing and a point to it, though I’ll likely still have no bloody clue where in the story it goes. Sometimes I don't even know why I'm writing them, but I've learned to trust it because, even if I have to make huge changes later, some part (or the whole thing, it really just depends) belongs somewhere in that story. Ok usually, sometimes it belongs in a different story.

Later when I've got so much written down that it seems like I'll never be able to organize it and it towers above me like a gigantic, virtual, paper monstrosity, I brace myself and start to try and assemble all these seemingly disparate pieces into some sort of cohesive whole. Try to untangle the massive spaghetti style throw down of words I’ve disgorged.

That's when I start to realize that my brain actually knows far more about what it was doing than I give it credit for. Pieces I couldn't begin to place will start dropping into the puzzle and, duhhh, of course it should go there. That links this up with that and lets blah happen down the road. Ooooh! I get it! Then I marvel at how cool my subconscious is and pat myself on the back, something I don't do nearly enough of.

I really wish I could add all the details in right from the beginning, but pre/first draft writing is usually a frantic thing as I attempt to get everything down before it's gone from my head. Even if it does play hell with organization and such. There’s a Flow that comes with it. Time ceases to matter, I can ignore things like food and the need to pee. I’m just thoroughly enthralled with the writing and loving it on a level I’m not even conscious enough to take stock of until after. Thoroughly engaged. God it’s grand.

I have a sneaky suspicion I'll dislike intensely revising for final drafts. On the one hand, a blank page is horrifying and intimidating. On the other hand I’m trying to balance between adding in relevant description and all the extra bits I left out while not losing the flow and momentum of something I’ve previously written.

Ok enough brain spitting, back to character write-ups for my course. Currently these are second and tertiary characters, but who knows! Anything can happen! Cheryl was only supposed to be a mentioned thing and now she’s got a back story to rival Gwen’s! I am not making a story for her. Not a novel anyways. Maybe some sort of short story for the two of them…but not right now. Must finish at least one writing project I start.

Class assignments and lateness

Once again I'm an assignment behind. It's a trend I've noticed more than once now. It's a good thing these aren't graded because I'd be failing all over the place and that worries me. The problem is that my writing process is lengthy as all hell. Or maybe more specifically my revision process. My first drafts... you know, I'm not even really sure they can be considered first drafts, are chaotic, terribly unpolished things. I go over them and go over them, probably an extra 2-3 times before I'd even consider them to be show-able as something unfinished, let alone something finished and polished. And that going over them usually takes a day in between each pass so stuff can percolate in the back of my head. Add to that the fact that I get seem to get words out on the page everyday... It's more than a little frustrating and makes me worry whether this will change. I would eventually like to make writing a full time career. Obviously down the road. But this process I go through, it seems like it would negate that dream. Most published authors seem to take about a year to get a book out and off. Maybe I'm wrong on that one, but when you read the answers of authors to this question, that seems to be the general timeline/consensus. I have no confidence in myself that I could do that.

I even hate writing Blog posts and posting them in the moment. I want/need time to go over them. Let them sit and come back to them fresh so I can reword better, make it more coherent, hopefully more engaging and smarter sounding. But I usually don’t do that for posts and end up going back and hating what I’ve posted. Because the idea of always being a day or more behind on even Blog posts kind of drives me a little nuts.

Will I be able to shorten this whole process down at all? How? Does it just come with experience and confidence? Will I just learn eventually how to put more of what I want to say down on that initial jotting down of ideas? I wrote a lot more, going into more details on my writing process. Not sure that’s really going to be interesting to people and was kind of getting a bit away from the point of this so I’m not going to post it.

But yea, being chronically behind = hate. I'm an incredibly punctual person and this seems to be one area where I'm consistently not and have no idea how to fix that.

Anyone know...

If "comments" posts can be edited? So far I'm not seeing a way to do that and my eyes are notorious for missing really obvious errors when viewing them on a screen instead of on paper.

Thanks.

Problem the second

I cannot decide on a color scheme and do not like my template options. But I'm poor and were I not poor, I would still be cheap. What if I pay and they mock me with their crappyness? Why must I be mocked? Why! I may not sleep tonight. I may lie awake completely torn by this, flipping furiously back and forth. Layout. Color. Color. Layout. I may even snap and find myself writing a 3am post.

No one should have to read my 3 am ramblings.

Problem the first and a welcome.

I know nothing about metal, metal alloys, tensile strength and what I do and don't need to know about it.

Also, I really need to nail down the various strength levels of my characters and their respective species. Time to go read comic encyclopedia's or something.

And a hearty welcome to my blog! Which I will spruce up hopefully soon.