This probably won't be a regular thing, me posting word counts, but here's one anyways!
As of right now I'm at 5200. I'm hoping to get some more down tonight, we'll see.
New story doesn't really have a title. My "I need something to call it" title is Shadow Walker. Very Urban Fantasy with some light science fiction tech-type elements to it as well. Not crazy tech, little better than ours. Probably on the grim and gritty side.
There you have it.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Anyone still even following this?
If so, man you are wonderfully patient. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Life has been busy and up and down and everything. I owe a few people blog/journal/post responses and I am SORRY for those as well. :( I r very bad.
Writing news. First, the bad news. I am putting my 2YN novel aside for now. I dun thoughts long and hard about this, but I think it's the right decision for now. There is something wrong with it, but I don't know what and it's driving me to the point where I haven't been able to write anything meaningful in months. Even when I think I have my plot fuck ups ironed out... something still doesn't seem right. Being that this was my first attempt at a novel, this was very much a learning/growing experience. But it's stalled horribly and until I can figure it out I need to put it aside for now. I AM going to come back to it because I still believe very strongly in the story and characters. I'm not sure how a story can speak this strongly to me and still not be working, but such is the case.
Instead of spinning my wheels on it, I'm choosing to try a different route with the next one. To start with, I'm keeping the plot of this one much simpler. I had WAY too many secret agendas and double crosses in the old one. It was a pretty ambitious first piece admittedly. It wasn't meant to be, but apparently I have a hard time telling a simple story. I must complicate matters. :) Fun, but oh the ulcers it brings.
After much book reading, information consumption, thinking and percolating, I have decided to work with of my other ideas. I wanted to make sure I had a better plan for this one (in as much as I plan these things) and there were a few things I specifically wanted to do differently this time around. I think I've done that, finally.
The new story is more organized (though still nothing compared to most outliners I'm sure) and I'm taking pains to make sure I keep everything in a very small number of documents and paper. I'm also trying several new ideas out in regards to plotting, outlining and writing. I will not edit what's already been written. I love doing it, but it is a deep, dark well to fall into. I am going to try very hard to write in order this time. It sort of helps that I don't have a middle or ending planned, (ok lemme clarify, I have the plot idea and the vague way I want things to go, in general overall, but I don't have the ending scenes practically jumping for the page). Basically I don't have random scene ideas coming to me out of the blue yet. I am writing a tiny bit out of sync occasionally (as in three paragraphs down, not 12 chapters), but I get a bit of it, then go back to what I was writing and catch up. How long can I keep that up? we'll see. As long as I can.
I think the whole process took so long for a couple of reasons. 1) I really didn't want to let it go. I really wanted to figure out what was wrong with it and fix it. 2) Once I finally decided that was what I needed to do, I still had to come to terms with it. 3) I was depressed at my perceived failing. 4) I had to decide which story idea I would work with instead and how I was going to do things differently this time.
Having said all that, yesterday night I finally started the actual story writing. Between last night and today I've gotten about 3500 words down. Not a bad start.
I'm going to try very, very hard (without managing to stress myself out about it) to keep the momentum going. Every few scenes, I'm going to stop writing and briefly outline several scenes (broken up into smaller chunks). Then I'll write them out, see where things are headed and do the next chunk of scenes with that in mind, while ALSO keeping in mind the overall story plot and plan. I'm really hoping this works.
I'm also telling myself very firmly that a less than perfect first draft is normal and acceptable. I tell myself this about, oh, 50 times a day at least. For realz yo. I think it's even sinking in!
As much as I hate to give up, like the good man says, sometimes, you gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em... I WILL be revisiting it someday.
Failing made me incredibly depressed and it got to the point where I just couldn't read people's posts. It's not that I'm not happy for everyone because I really am. But I kept seeing it as a constant reminder that I was fucking up. Not very helpful.
I'm going to try to get back into posting. I spent pretty much all day writing and when I get the momentum and muse I'm pretty loathe to fuck with it in any way, so I say try and not do for good reason.
Good night all, the "State of the union" the war and peace version is done finally. Sleep well.
Writing news. First, the bad news. I am putting my 2YN novel aside for now. I dun thoughts long and hard about this, but I think it's the right decision for now. There is something wrong with it, but I don't know what and it's driving me to the point where I haven't been able to write anything meaningful in months. Even when I think I have my plot fuck ups ironed out... something still doesn't seem right. Being that this was my first attempt at a novel, this was very much a learning/growing experience. But it's stalled horribly and until I can figure it out I need to put it aside for now. I AM going to come back to it because I still believe very strongly in the story and characters. I'm not sure how a story can speak this strongly to me and still not be working, but such is the case.
Instead of spinning my wheels on it, I'm choosing to try a different route with the next one. To start with, I'm keeping the plot of this one much simpler. I had WAY too many secret agendas and double crosses in the old one. It was a pretty ambitious first piece admittedly. It wasn't meant to be, but apparently I have a hard time telling a simple story. I must complicate matters. :) Fun, but oh the ulcers it brings.
After much book reading, information consumption, thinking and percolating, I have decided to work with of my other ideas. I wanted to make sure I had a better plan for this one (in as much as I plan these things) and there were a few things I specifically wanted to do differently this time around. I think I've done that, finally.
The new story is more organized (though still nothing compared to most outliners I'm sure) and I'm taking pains to make sure I keep everything in a very small number of documents and paper. I'm also trying several new ideas out in regards to plotting, outlining and writing. I will not edit what's already been written. I love doing it, but it is a deep, dark well to fall into. I am going to try very hard to write in order this time. It sort of helps that I don't have a middle or ending planned, (ok lemme clarify, I have the plot idea and the vague way I want things to go, in general overall, but I don't have the ending scenes practically jumping for the page). Basically I don't have random scene ideas coming to me out of the blue yet. I am writing a tiny bit out of sync occasionally (as in three paragraphs down, not 12 chapters), but I get a bit of it, then go back to what I was writing and catch up. How long can I keep that up? we'll see. As long as I can.
I think the whole process took so long for a couple of reasons. 1) I really didn't want to let it go. I really wanted to figure out what was wrong with it and fix it. 2) Once I finally decided that was what I needed to do, I still had to come to terms with it. 3) I was depressed at my perceived failing. 4) I had to decide which story idea I would work with instead and how I was going to do things differently this time.
Having said all that, yesterday night I finally started the actual story writing. Between last night and today I've gotten about 3500 words down. Not a bad start.
I'm going to try very, very hard (without managing to stress myself out about it) to keep the momentum going. Every few scenes, I'm going to stop writing and briefly outline several scenes (broken up into smaller chunks). Then I'll write them out, see where things are headed and do the next chunk of scenes with that in mind, while ALSO keeping in mind the overall story plot and plan. I'm really hoping this works.
I'm also telling myself very firmly that a less than perfect first draft is normal and acceptable. I tell myself this about, oh, 50 times a day at least. For realz yo. I think it's even sinking in!
As much as I hate to give up, like the good man says, sometimes, you gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em... I WILL be revisiting it someday.
Failing made me incredibly depressed and it got to the point where I just couldn't read people's posts. It's not that I'm not happy for everyone because I really am. But I kept seeing it as a constant reminder that I was fucking up. Not very helpful.
I'm going to try to get back into posting. I spent pretty much all day writing and when I get the momentum and muse I'm pretty loathe to fuck with it in any way, so I say try and not do for good reason.
Good night all, the "State of the union" the war and peace version is done finally. Sleep well.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Soooo I've been pretty quiet lately both here and in 2YN. At the risk of sounding unnecessarily dramatic, I think I'm going to continue to take a break from both. The thing is, my word count is moving at a glacially slow pace. I spend more time mired deep in writer's block than I do out of it. I'm not having fun writing because I'm too busy stressing hugely over writing. I try to keep the fun part in mind, but when my mind goes into blank, stress city every fucking time, it's kind of hard to maintain a sense of fun and enjoyment. I don't know why this keeps happening other than a profoundly deep rooted fear of failure, success or probably both knowing me.
It's not enough to have people tell me "You'll get over it" or "just write" etc. If I could "just write" I would. I don't want to go into great detail, partly because I just don't want to, and partly because I just don't know what's at the root of it. I do try to read the blogs I'm following, even if I don't post much. Sorry for that, I dunno, I just find it hard lately to post about anything, even the happy comments for others in my head.
But they're there and I'm wishing everyone the best. :)
It's not enough to have people tell me "You'll get over it" or "just write" etc. If I could "just write" I would. I don't want to go into great detail, partly because I just don't want to, and partly because I just don't know what's at the root of it. I do try to read the blogs I'm following, even if I don't post much. Sorry for that, I dunno, I just find it hard lately to post about anything, even the happy comments for others in my head.
But they're there and I'm wishing everyone the best. :)
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
Snippet of.. Something
No idea where this came from or what it's for, but my head needed a tiny break from regular story.
Still rough cause I've done nothing but the barest or spell checks. Enjoy.
Nadia flew off the bed scrambling and gasping, one hand clasping her throat, the other reaching for a weapon that wasn't there anymore. Her eyes wide and wild. Surprise at being alive followed immediately by confusion for the same. Nathanos sat on the wooden chair across the room. Amused, composed, waiting. For a split second he thought she was going to attack him. Her eyes, if possible, widened even further when she saw him. They narrowed and she actually took a step towards him before fear stopped her.
"I lost."
"You did."
"You said the penalty for losing was death."
"It is." He said waiting for her to catch on.
"Oh, God no." If possible her eyes got even wider and she fumbled back a step, hang grasping out behind her.
"Yes." He said with a satisfied smile. He loved this part. Her head whipping back and forth she scanned the room. Her attention drawn first to her lack of a heartbeat, then to the one window in the small, round, stone room.
"I wouldn't." He warned. Ignoring his warning she ran for the window and slammed into his chest. Frowning he grabbed her and flung her back onto the bed. He sighed disappointedly and shook his head, but stayed in front of the window.
"You'll make a mess on the ground below, and hurt terribly, but you'd live. I'm not interested in climbing down all those stairs just to scrape your ruined carcass up. Besides, a deals a deal."
"I didn't agree to this. You said nothing of coming back."
"You didn't ask."
"Not...Not fair." She accused pointing her finger at him. "You can't do this!"
"I believe I just did." Murder was starting to replace the fear in her eyes when a noise interrupted them.
The door opened, before she could make a run for it a man stepped through, blocking her way. Bigger than Nathanos, he filled the doorway. Skilled as she was, Nadia didn't think she had a hope of budging him.
"Is she done freaking out yet? Did I miss the good part?" The man in the doorway said.
"No and possibly." Nathanos said with a bored expression on his face. "She was going to jump out the window."
"Ahhh." The man tsk'ed and shook his head, but couldn't quite hide the amused smile peeking at the corners of his mouth.
"They always go for the window. Admit it, that's why you always make sure they wake up here." He closed the door and leaned against it. "Who's going to train her this time?"
"This time? This time!" The woman managed to keep her voice from trembling, barely.
"You didn't tell her?"
"She only just woke up, Blaine."
"Well then," Blaine grinned wickedly. "Don't let me interrupt."
He pulled the chair over with his foot, flipped it around, and sat down, chest against the back of it, arms folded over the top portion. Unbeknownst to either, he'd watched their fight. They'd snagged a real prize this time. He hoped Nathanos handed her off to him for once.
"Now then," Nathanos said calmly, "Here's how it's going to work..."
Also, I've been trying my hand at a short story. It's that Werewolf viking thing I mentioned months and months ago. It's also already 2500-3000 words and I've only got the 3 main characters introduced. Sigh. It doesn't even read that wordy. Maybe I'm just not meant to do short?
Back to internet hiatus. I know I'm missing people's stuff on 2YN. I do apologize for that. :(
Still rough cause I've done nothing but the barest or spell checks. Enjoy.
Nadia flew off the bed scrambling and gasping, one hand clasping her throat, the other reaching for a weapon that wasn't there anymore. Her eyes wide and wild. Surprise at being alive followed immediately by confusion for the same. Nathanos sat on the wooden chair across the room. Amused, composed, waiting. For a split second he thought she was going to attack him. Her eyes, if possible, widened even further when she saw him. They narrowed and she actually took a step towards him before fear stopped her.
"I lost."
"You did."
"You said the penalty for losing was death."
"It is." He said waiting for her to catch on.
"Oh, God no." If possible her eyes got even wider and she fumbled back a step, hang grasping out behind her.
"Yes." He said with a satisfied smile. He loved this part. Her head whipping back and forth she scanned the room. Her attention drawn first to her lack of a heartbeat, then to the one window in the small, round, stone room.
"I wouldn't." He warned. Ignoring his warning she ran for the window and slammed into his chest. Frowning he grabbed her and flung her back onto the bed. He sighed disappointedly and shook his head, but stayed in front of the window.
"You'll make a mess on the ground below, and hurt terribly, but you'd live. I'm not interested in climbing down all those stairs just to scrape your ruined carcass up. Besides, a deals a deal."
"I didn't agree to this. You said nothing of coming back."
"You didn't ask."
"Not...Not fair." She accused pointing her finger at him. "You can't do this!"
"I believe I just did." Murder was starting to replace the fear in her eyes when a noise interrupted them.
The door opened, before she could make a run for it a man stepped through, blocking her way. Bigger than Nathanos, he filled the doorway. Skilled as she was, Nadia didn't think she had a hope of budging him.
"Is she done freaking out yet? Did I miss the good part?" The man in the doorway said.
"No and possibly." Nathanos said with a bored expression on his face. "She was going to jump out the window."
"Ahhh." The man tsk'ed and shook his head, but couldn't quite hide the amused smile peeking at the corners of his mouth.
"They always go for the window. Admit it, that's why you always make sure they wake up here." He closed the door and leaned against it. "Who's going to train her this time?"
"This time? This time!" The woman managed to keep her voice from trembling, barely.
"You didn't tell her?"
"She only just woke up, Blaine."
"Well then," Blaine grinned wickedly. "Don't let me interrupt."
He pulled the chair over with his foot, flipped it around, and sat down, chest against the back of it, arms folded over the top portion. Unbeknownst to either, he'd watched their fight. They'd snagged a real prize this time. He hoped Nathanos handed her off to him for once.
"Now then," Nathanos said calmly, "Here's how it's going to work..."
Also, I've been trying my hand at a short story. It's that Werewolf viking thing I mentioned months and months ago. It's also already 2500-3000 words and I've only got the 3 main characters introduced. Sigh. It doesn't even read that wordy. Maybe I'm just not meant to do short?
Back to internet hiatus. I know I'm missing people's stuff on 2YN. I do apologize for that. :(
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
The problem with internet Hiatus
Is that I never know I'm going to take one until I'm already deep into it. Not much else to say atm, going to continue said hiatus for a bit longer. Haven't checked into 2YN in a while either. :( I r bad I know.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
GLAHHHHARHGLE!
It's done it to me again. I am so bad. How do I get to this point every time when I try so hard and am so diligent?! (this is the point where you the reader kindly refrain from pointing out that if I were as diligent as I say I am then clearly I would not be in this pickle again. Your cooperation in not pointing this out is appreciated. Thank you.)
Yes, yes the wailing and gnashing of teeth is tiresome. Very well. I once again find myself with a million fucking documents and a blinding need to somehow condense them into one, cohesive document. One pile instead of 50 virtual piles that mock me yet again. This time with 50% more mockery since we've already been down this path. Clearly my last victory dance was a farce and I'm being made to pay for it.
Why do I continually fail in this endeavor? I'm actually not that disorganized a person. Though I must confess, I am horrible with routine and patterns and doing the same thing the exact same way each and every single time. *shudder*
Anyways, I'm at the point, where I would seriously pay someone a reasonable amount of money to have them come in and organize all of my documents and scenes so that they are in order, there's only one document and I can sleep at night again. And write again! If I can't be as organized as I'd like to be, why do I also have a problem with not being so organized?
Fuck, fucking, fuck, fuck.
Anyone want the fun task of putting order to my chaos? Anyone? If I pay thee in chocolate does that sweeten (haHA!) the deal?
Yes, yes the wailing and gnashing of teeth is tiresome. Very well. I once again find myself with a million fucking documents and a blinding need to somehow condense them into one, cohesive document. One pile instead of 50 virtual piles that mock me yet again. This time with 50% more mockery since we've already been down this path. Clearly my last victory dance was a farce and I'm being made to pay for it.
Why do I continually fail in this endeavor? I'm actually not that disorganized a person. Though I must confess, I am horrible with routine and patterns and doing the same thing the exact same way each and every single time. *shudder*
Anyways, I'm at the point, where I would seriously pay someone a reasonable amount of money to have them come in and organize all of my documents and scenes so that they are in order, there's only one document and I can sleep at night again. And write again! If I can't be as organized as I'd like to be, why do I also have a problem with not being so organized?
Fuck, fucking, fuck, fuck.
Anyone want the fun task of putting order to my chaos? Anyone? If I pay thee in chocolate does that sweeten (haHA!) the deal?